The first involved are a lesbian couple. They decided to formalise their relationship by going to the United States to be legally married. As women who had already been together for decades, marriage was very important to them. When they returned home, they arranged for an affirming and blessing service at our church. The church was packed with friends and family – standing room only – and the atmosphere was one of joy and hope for the two women.
Then two people decided that, although they wanted their relationship recognised and celebrated, they were not prepared to submit formal paperwork until same-sex couples throughout Australia could do the same. They had an inspiring ceremony which was conducted by the Rev. Andrew Collis (minister at South Sydney Uniting Church and managing editor of this paper). The couple made the following statement: “We don’t believe the federal government legitimises our commitment to each other’s future – for us, it’s celebrating with friends and family that’s important. Besides, one of us is a genderqueer bisexual who is only not excluded from the institution of marriage in the way that a platypus is not excluded from the category of seafood.”
The third couple are two gay men who submitted a notice of intended marriage with the minister, requesting a church ceremony despite the lack of law and rite. A ceremony was held at South Sydney Uniting Church, conducted by the minister in the presence of over 100 cheering friends and family members. One day in the near future (on the anniversary of their unofficial but no less joyful wedding) they hope to renew their vows according to a formal rite of the Uniting Church in Australia and to sign their marriage papers and certificate.
For those of us who are homosexual and have been in long-term committed relationships, it is truly hard to imagine why people oppose the formal recognition of the love we have for each other. How does the fact that same-sex people love each other take anything away from the love and commitment of heterosexual people? Surely, love is love, and something to be celebrated in the wonder and fullness it brings to the lives of those concerned.
Why don’t we recognise that, even among heterosexual people, there are multiple definitions of acceptable married life? People come from differing faiths, denominations and cultures. Some encourage the marriage of younger women to older men, some insist that wives obey their husbands, some allow divorce and others not. Why are these profound differences not seen as a threat to our understandings of marriage if same-sex marriage is that?
I will always remember when I was driving home one day and my then four-year-old granddaughter all of a sudden asked me, “Grandma, are you and Ali married?” I said, “No”, and she responded with, “Why not?” This bright little girl could obviously see that the love between me and my partner (who sadly died of brain cancer four years ago) was the same sort of love which she saw between her own parents. And so it was.
It took me some decades of my life before I recognised my sexuality, and I am grateful that I gave birth to four children in that period and that I am still good friends with my then husband. However, I could never step back from the moment when I decided to own my sexuality, whatever it would cost me in terms of my ordination and church life.
I wrote a poem at the time and it finishes with these words: “The skies part in breathless joy,/ my soul flies free for the first time/ and all of my being wheels into oneness and fullness./ The fragmented elements of my truth,/ which I have always denied life,/ come together in delighted integration./ I am alive and Christ is risen within me!/ The grace of God surrounds me like a cloud of love/ and I stand on the ground in recreation./ I am home, I am free to live!/ Thanks be to God!”
I will always be grateful to the National Assembly of the Uniting Church for affirming and sustaining my ordination and also to the World Council of Churches, with whom I was doing some work.
Ali Blogg was the love of my life for more than 20 years, and had she not died we would have been looking for a way of formalising our relationship – probably doing so in New Zealand, the land of her birth.
Senator Penny Wong has just had an amazing four-page article published in the February edition of The Monthly. It’s titled “It’s Time” and makes a very convincing case for recognition of same-sex relationships.
In the meantime, many of us are celebrating the determination of people like those above as they stand on the ground of their love for each other and wait in hope for further recognition of their relationships.
