My darling Stuart passed away peacefully on August 27, 2024, the saddest day of my life. The funeral service was a beautiful tribute to his well lived life, thanks to funeral director Stephanie Kelly of Personal Farewells, who delivered the service to perfection.
Stuart had moderate to severe sleep apnoea for more than 10 years. He wore a Continuous Positive Airway Pressure (CPAP) mask every night for eight years prior to being in residential aged care.
The management at the aged care facility wanted to send Stuart to hospital to trial different doses of antipsychotic medication for his behavioural issues. On August 18, 2021, Stuart was admitted to St George Hospital, ultimately for eight days, while the medication was adjusted.
I never expected that the first 16 months following Stuart’s admission to residential care on June 9, 2021, would be the most difficult time of my life. I thought my care duties would reduce, but instead the stress intensified to another level.
One evening in May 2020, Stuart suddenly felt freezing cold. I checked his vital signs, all seemed to be within the normal range. In the following days and weeks, gradually the symptoms became more frequent. He would start with feeling cold, then roll onto the floor, shivering, holding his head saying “you are hitting me”, “it hurts”.
A year after the dementia diagnosis, Stuart was reasonably stable, but his cognition and memory started to deteriorate. He wasn’t able to put the rubbish in the colour coded bins, flooded the bathroom by leaving the tap on, misplaced house keys.
In July 2018 I resigned from my full-time senior management position in the department of NSW Health Pathology to become a committed carer for my husband, Stuart, who lives with dementia.
From the day of the diagnosis, my learning as a carer began. I was determined to do everything I could to give Stuart the best possible care, by using all the services, education and dementia-related programs available to support us.
