Step 1 – Take children to cinema.
Step 2 – Ply them with food and drink.
Step 3 – Point out to them that the film hasn’t started yet, this is just another ad for yet another animated film.
Step 4 – Spend 15 minutes getting used to the stop-go animation (like you do with subtitles). Note that not since Team America: World Police (2004) has an animated film looked as original.
Step 5 – Contemplate a Lego Movie sequel with the same levels of blood, sex and violence as Team America – now that would be awesome.
Step 6 – Reflect on the comparison with The Truman Show (1998) as Emmet the construction worker goes about his daily routine. Note the film’s messages about identity and individuality.
Step 7 – Sing along to theme song “Everything is Awesome”.
Step 8 – Ply children with more food.
Step 9 – Obtain idea for film review as a series of instructions, the irony being that The Lego Movie is all about freeing oneself from such regimentation. Admire how clever you are.
Step 10 – Play “Spot the Lego Character” with your kids.
Step 11 – You lose.
Step 12 – Contemplate the delicate balancing act that The Lego Movie pulls off of being blatantly anti-capitalist (President Business is the baddie) yet Lego being a marketing and toy behemoth (the box set tie-ins were in toy stores a month before the film was released).
Step 13 – Contemplate buying The Lego Movie box sets for the kids’ birthdays.
Step 14 – Try not to be amused as your 4 year old disappears over the seats in front of you and turns the first three rows into his personal playground.
Step 15 – Leave as the credits roll. You seriously think your kids would let you sit through that?
