For some carers, the hardest thing can be talking to their depressed loved one. There is nothing you can say to make the depression go away. Sometimes the less said the better. Using whatever language you feel is best, be it verbal or non-verbal, communicate to your loved one that you support him or her and that you believe that this state of depression is not permanent. Encourage him or her to attend appointments with helpful professionals. Encourage him or her to do what little things he or she is able: sitting in sunlight for 10 minutes, walking around the block, reading a silly magazine, submitting to a hair-cut or fingernail trim, drinking some soup. The hardest thing to do is to sit with the distress of the person you love. It will become frustrating.
Yes, frustrating. Even if you are the most patient and forbearing person in the world you will feel impatient, drained, powerless, fearful, angry. Why can’t they just stop!?? Why can’t they show me a little love? Why can’t they put on a clean pair of pyjamas once in a while? Why is this even happening? It is normal to have these frustrations, but important to shield your loved one from the fact you are having them. Talk to someone else in your life who cares about you, don’t give up on doing things you enjoy and be aware that in order to care for your loved one you must care for yourself. It is very, very likely that with time and treatment your loved one will recover.
A final word from the authors. There has been a lot of awareness-raising about depression in recent years, some of it very helpful indeed. It is not uncommon to hear a high-profile public personality speak of a personal battle with depression. Depression is many things, chief among which is a rotten illness. It is not an excuse, or a cause, for violent behaviour. If your loved one is displaying violent, threatening or manipulative behaviour, depression is not to blame. No diagnostic manual in the world lists violence as a symptom of depression. There must be other factors at play. Look at them.
