Yesterday, being legally constrained by the danger of Covid-19, my gardening To Do list was being addressed. I live in a quiet street on large block with a two-bedroom granny flat at the rear of the property which two couples rent. Miss 19, the youngest of the four, is a receptionist. We share pet stories from time to time, as their household has gathered a much-loved menagerie.
Miss 19 is in a rocky relationship characterised by some physical and verbal abuse. I’ve had to call the police on a couple of occasions and they’ve responded quickly, referred services and set clear boundaries about behaviour to the perpetrator.
Yesterday, as she walked down my driveway to get to the road she said she was “breaking the tension”. Currently, she can’t go to a park and sit. Or get support at a friend’s house. On her third “walk” her partner followed her, demanding she stay. He grabbed her arm and was insistent she come back now!
He also seemed to be deliberately looking for me to support his demands and to silently acknowledge she was being unreasonable. I asked her if she was alright. It broke the ice and changed the intensity. Jolting her hand away from his she broke free to continue her walk. I knew him and felt okay to gently say, “Don’t mate. Just let her walk. She needs some space.” He was resigned to not press it further and went back to the flat.
While this eased the tension for now, what do we do in this current climate to help those who experience violence in Covid-19 times? When I had to break the tension with my former husband I had a car and McDonald’s playland for my children. Friends, cinemas, and beaches. Now the options are almost nothing.
This is a recipe for tragedy. Already women have died. This fact is overshadowed by the urgency of the government’s daily Covid-19 updates and recommendations to stay alive. Yet more women were killed last year by their intimate partner than Covid-19 has claimed to date. What a terrible juxtaposition. We are told to stay home (in this instance with the perpetrator) and there is little in the way of respite.
We may want to flatten the curve of Covid-19 but, conversely, we need to heighten the support of those at risk of abuse and communicate safe options. This is not just for domestic violence support services but also the responses of police, housing suppliers including Real Estates, hospitals, GPs and schools.
With our current restrictions, abuse has a greater chance of being deadly. If you are affected by abuse and feeling threatened, I want you to know you are important and believed. There are services you can talk to who can provide advice and guidance. What you do will always be your choice.
I didn’t realise how much danger I was in until I left.
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DO YOU NEED SUPPORT?
- If you feel you need to find somewhere safe Jan can be contacted on 02 9599 3217 or email at manager@movingforward.org.au.
- If you or somebody you know is in immediate danger, call 000 now.
- 1800 RESPECT – 24-hour hotline for any Australian who has experienced, or is at risk of, family and domestic violence. Call 1800 RESPECT (1800 737 732) or visit their website.
- Safe Steps is a 24-hour family violence response centre. Call 1800 015 188 or visit their website.
- Lifeline provides all Australians with access to 24 hour crisis support & suicide prevention services. Call 13 11 14 or visit their website.
- Relationships Australia provides support services for individuals, families and communities. Call 1300 364 277 or visit their website.
- Men’s Referral Service – 1300 766 491 for perpetrators who want to change.
See Voices for Change https://www.dvnsw.org.au/about/voices-for-change/
