It’s a truth universally acknowledged, that if you’re “different” while growing up, something is going to happen to you. Growing up in these times is hard enough regardless of your circumstances. But growing up and being a part of a minority is even tougher. It’s a lesson that I learned the hard way, and one that I will never forget. The ironic thing is that experiencing homophobia on a near daily basis while at school made me more determined to make sure that it doesn’t happen again to others.
I grew up in western Sydney, spending my first couple of years out at Penrith, before moving to what ultimately became a sports high school. Shortly after I started, I figured out I was queer. The unfortunate thing is, everyone else cottoned on shortly after I did. I can’t remember what it was that I did that initially made me stand out from the rest. Sure, I was a bit of a geek, I got along better with the “less popular” kids, I respected my teachers and enjoyed talking to them, but I didn’t think any of it demonstrated that homosexual lifestyle that is so typically (and often unfairly) stereotyped.
Just weeks into my high school experience, a student walked over to me and said, “You’re gay”. My response of “Yes, I’m aware I’m happy, thanks for telling me” was met with “No, the other kind of gay”. I didn’t say that I wasn’t, because I knew that would be lying. I was 12. To me, lying was still a bad thing to do, so I didn’t deny it. It was then that it all started.
I never actually came out during high school. I didn’t need to. Everyone just knew. And that’s why they thought it was okay to bully me for it. Because they didn’t think I was strong enough to stand up for myself. And because they recognised this so-called “weakness”, they exploited it for their enjoyment. This resulted in continuing verbal taunts, being beaten up by several people, and threats of violence from others. The abuse was non-stop. It was soul destroying and unbearable. How the hell I got through that experience, I will never know. I’m so thankful that I did.
It’s not just in the school environment that it happens though. I can remember being in my first job in retail. I would’ve been 17 at the time. I’m pretty sure my boss knew I was gay. He said he was fine with gay people, and so I figured it wasn’t going to be a problem. That was until he told me that everything that a gay person could possibly want, a relationship, a marriage, a family … was “unnatural”.
It’s not just my story though that makes this an issue. On a daily basis, far too many lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex or queer young people are being subjected to abuse, simply because of who they are. No one ever asks for abuse because of who they are. Enough is enough.
My voice was just one of 1,032 included as a part of the recently released Growing Up Queer: Issues Facing Young Australians Who Are Gender Variant and Sexuality Diverse, a research report delivered by the Young and Well Cooperative Research Centre and two of its partners, the University of Western Sydney and Twenty10. The report was the first of its kind; it combined the stories of over one thousand people aged between 16 and 27. It’s important, because it provides a unified message: “This is what happens to me because of who I am, and it isn’t right.” Sixty-four per cent of those who contributed to the report said that they were subjected to verbal abuse. Almost one in five have been physically abused because of who they are. It’s just not right.
There’s often the misconception that self-harm is entirely a result of what happens in schools. It’s not. Coming out can be one of the most difficult things to do. Not everyone accepts you for who you are. I know I’ve lost friends when I went through the coming out process, and I know many others who have as well. This experience tends to get shrugged off though, something like “If they can’t accept it, then they’re not your real friends anyway”.
Coming out to your family though is that much tougher. The closer you are to someone, the harder it is to do. And sadly, it doesn’t always work out the way you want it to. I’ve heard too many times about young teens who have been kicked out of home because their parents don’t want a queer child in their home. Others “accept it”, but it’s still not spoken about at home, let alone inviting your latest crush to hang out at your place.
All of these factors play a significant role towards mental health and wellbeing. More than 40 per cent of people who identify as gay have thought about self harming; more than one in five have actually harmed themselves. Almost half have thought about suicide. This has got to stop.
Homophobia and transphobia in the workplace and in schools, lack of intervention against this abuse, lack of information in schools, legal discrimination, coming out, not being able to access timely support, all of these things play a role. And for many, it’s not just one event that stands out. Rather, there are many small events over a long period of time. It’s never too early to tell someone that they’re never alone. If you’re a young LGBTIQ person, it’s perfectly okay to be who you are – or even better, to be proud of your identity. If you are saying or doing something to support someone in their moment of need, chances are you’ve made a greater difference than you will ever realise.
