It may be that as his caregivers, we simply did not want to imagine someone hurting him. It may be that our instinct towards empathy was personal, extended simply to this child whom we watch growing, and enjoy being questioned by (“enjoy” it sometimes to the point of insufferable, frustrated authoritarianism). Lots of kids have caregivers who want them to be safe.
However, respect for violence, and those who perpetrate violence, is one of the moral realities of contemporary Australia.
We respect the police, we protect our borders, and we honour the fallen soldiers. We pay to watch men embodying the spirits of animals, Bulldogs, Eagles and Eels, as they charge around a field causing each other immense pain and long-term injury. We have allowed intimate partner violence, perpetrated by both men and women, to kill 79 women last year. We allow restraint, chemical and physical, in mental hospitals in NSW. We publicly boo young men who are brazen enough to express a preference for non-violent interactions or who are sensitive to insult and racism. We have made our national heroes Ned Kelly and some guy who was shot for stealing sheep. We revel in our violent past. We honour those who died pointless, violent, painful deaths in World War I, writhing in agony for what? To protect a cruel empire from disintegrating under the weight of its own blood-thirsty treaties.
So tell me, who is surprised at the advertising campaign, authorised by the commonwealth government, which reads “Violence against women, Australia says No”? Why don’t contemporary values tell that twelve-year-old child who is happy to accept a beating, that he shouldn’t have to experience pain and violence? Do you think it is okay to hit boys? Men? Girls? Women? Transsexuals? People of colour? Asian students? Homosexual people? Why is any violence okay? Why do we bring young men up in the expectations that they will need to take punches in order to be men? Why are the most honourable people in our society those who inflict violence upon others, or who receive violence towards their person?
I live it – but I don’t like it. I catch myself emasculating someone for expressing pain. Unconscious prejudice and society’s prejudices invite me to judge, to feel fear of their pain, to distance myself, to block my heart to their truths. But none of us need to be victims. Maybe we can find a new paradigm. We don’t have to slice our hearts up into smaller and smaller pieces and fight harder and harder for a tiny sliver of love. Humans can feel pain without inflicting it onto others. We decide what we pay attention to, we choose our beliefs, about whether war is necessary, whether pain is necessary. We can create our community, reflecting values we decide on.
